Letting Go
Comments 11

The First Rule of Tinder Is…

… Don’t expect your date to look like his photo.

The Second Rule: Drop your expectations dramatically, like 100%. And then some more.

And the Third Rule: Swiftly delete your account (well, that’s for you to decide..)

I’m an old school gal at heart, and not one who has ever delved into the magical world of online dating, but I thought I’d give it a try. I mean it’s 2015 after all and everyone’s doing it; I’m living in Tokyo and dating is tough for a western girl. So I got one of my closest buddies to sign up with me.  It started out as a joke of course – let’s just join for one month and see what happens; maybe we can meet some guys to take us surfing.

Well things didn’t turn out quite like that.

There sure are some strange cats lurking on Tinderland. We spent many train rides home swiftly swiping left for horrifyingly unsuitable suitors. There’s the guy who’s married but is looking for a threesome; the Marilyn Manson lookalikes, the redneck from Texas,  and of course the ones with poodle profile pics. I mean poodles are kawaii (cute) but really? And let’s not mention the half-naked selfie in front of the mirror shots.

I chatted to a few guys and went on two dates. The first guy was Swiss, a scientist and Aikido master who looked rather mysterious in his profile. I realised later that that was in fact his much better looking older brother.  We seemed to have a lot in common, until we met and ended up having a heated discussion about energy and the like – me trying to explain the unexplainable in words to a scientist didn’t end well.

I met up with the second guy yesterday. A Brit in his early 40s who again had not shown a true description of himself online, but rather what he looked like 10 years prior. He went on to tell me that yoga does not in fact come from India and made a point of correcting my grammar. Haha. ‘Furtherest’ is a word right?

Of course a relationship shouldn’t be based on how someone looks, but it feels dishonest from the start and whats the point of that?

The point is there is no point.

It’s pointless sharing parts of your life with someone you’ve never met and don’t even know is real.  It’s pointless being in that space of expectation, waiting, hoping for something amazing. It’s pointless spending wasted time swiping through hundreds of unsuitable profiles when you could be out living.  Doing something that makes you smile. Having coffee with a friend. Going to a yoga class. Writing a book. Walking a dog. Anything else really. Out there living in the real world with real people. Connecting. That’s where miracles happen, unlikely collisions, the stuff of fairytales. And I guarantee it’ll be more fun.

I’m sure there’s some success stories on Tinder but it’s just not for me.

I’m off to meditate :)

<Image source: http://society6.com/annaillustrates>


  1. christine says

    Beautifully written. People who are not comfortable enough with themselves to be honest are going to be projecting all their baggage onto you. My brother and his wife met on line, it can happen but real life is better. Xx

  2. Sam, the best of luck to you! Dating as a Western woman in Tokyo is pretty challenging, and I think you’re going to be meditating a heck of a lot. There were few women in my school, and all the single ones under 50 left in a year or two. It’s rough out there, but you can and will meet someone great. There were a few success stories from my training group. Ganbatte!

  3. Haha you are right thanks Val!
    Well at least I’ll become a great meditator :)

    Can’t wait to hear about your next adventure! Exciting! X

  4. hey sam, i was wandering this evening without purpose and ended up here. i’ve read two of your posts and i know you already know what i’m about to say but i’ll say it anyway. let it go. even through the great distance of the 1s and 0s here your energy is vibrant and full of vitality. don’t waste your energy by trying to force a hand. you’ve made your intention clear…now sit back, meditate and enjoy what you have. he’s already on his way…

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