Sitting in the neon lit room, enclosed by cream walls, I can see speckles of the signature blue trickled throughout the room, in the notepads, the notices on the wall and the student’s vacant gaze.
I glance down at the textbook and regurgitate yet another lesson in English 101. Feigning interest, I smile and pretend to be enjoying myself. Days and days go by like this, but the student knows the truth, they can see through my plastic smile, and feel it in their bones.
the refusal to accept or comply with something.
Resistance shows its destructive face in many ways, acting as the saboteur of our lives: when we decide to follow a creative calling; commit to a health regime; feel the urge to launch a new venture or simply get ourselves out of the present moment into a perceived better one, in my case, lying on the beach somewhere with a pina colada in hand.
Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves, like an uncontrollable force emitted from jobs, partners, circumstances that poison us and cause us to be unhappy. It does not however come from the outside, it arises within. As Stephen Pressfield states, “It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. It is the enemy within.” [The War of Art]
Resistance manifests in different ways. For me, it expresses itself as headaches. A daily struggle where I’m resisting being in the present moment because I should be doing something more amazing, more fulfilling, more life-changing.
So much struggling for nothing. Just headaches.
Conversely, resistance can also be defined as:
the ability not to be affected by something, especially adversely.
Two weeks ago, inspired by a friend, I decided to try something different. What if I simply stopped? Stopped the continual fighting within myself, and just let myself be in the moment. I decided that I wanted my life to be joyful and fun, and to feel this in every moment, even the seemingly mind-numbing ones. I started to imagine my life as a series of playful moments.
Before bed at night I spend some time in meditation and self-talk – recognising all the greatness in my life; imaging how the next day will unfold and knowing that I’ll be blessed with amazing students; feeling that my life flows with ease.
A few things have happened:
- My students suddenly got a lot more interesting. I’ve been attracting the best ones and we are resonating on a more playful level.
- I started enjoying myself in the moment and thus enjoying my life.
- My headaches have eased.
- I feel more vibrant, creative and inspired.
Of course, this is an unfolding process and takes daily, moment-to-moment practice. I don’t feel like this every minute of every day, and I shouldn’t.
But what I’ve realised is that breathing is the key. Deep belly breaths right down into the core. That’s what keeps me centered in the now and alive to the beauty of the moment.
(Image source: https://society6.com/product/breathe-e0z_print?isrc=src.search-hue.0#1=45)