All posts tagged: musings

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

I woke up yesterday morning feeling like I’d been on a nostalgic road trip with my ex. This was no regular ex, but the love of my life, my ex-fiance. my best buddy. He was the closest I’d come to unconditional love, with him I felt truly loved, but of course I didn’t appreciate it at the time, I was young and stupid. Now this was a very surreal feeling. Firstly, I found it strange that he was in my consciousness at all as I hadn’t thought or spoken about him in a long while and hadn’t seen him on Facebook. But when I woke up it felt as real as it did 6 years ago and tears trickled from my eyes. It got me writing – writing about my guilt and regret, my feelings, my resentment, anger and love. I also wrote in gratitude for all the beauty we shared. This sense of sadness stayed with me throughout the day and I wallowed in it a little, I played some Snow Patrol – that always reminds me of him and makes me …

Put Me In Your Suitcase…

Let me help you pack ‘Cause you’re never coming backNo, you’re never coming backCook me in your breakfastAnd put me on your plate‘Cause you know I taste greatYeah, you know I taste great Devendra Banhart “At the Hop” The first time I heard this song was on a mix tape that my friend made me. I was leaving Johannesburg and moving back to my hometown Durban. Paul was the Creative Director at the company I worked for – I always remember making fun of him. He was this 40-something, glasses-wearing, non-drinking, vegetarian that lived in hip Melville and listened to strange folk music. I always thought he was cool in an odd way and loved hanging with him, as friends. At the time I was in my early twenties – young, a little self-obsessed, partying and definitely still eating meat. Put me in your dry dreamOr put me in your wetIf you haven’t yetNo, if you haven’t yetLight me with your candleAnd watch the flames grow highNo, it doesn’t have to tryIt doesn’t have to try I never …